Monday, July 22, 2013

Serenity Now!!!

Saturday we got the phone call that all 8 embryos looked great and fertilized well, so all 8 were frozen. Such wonderful and great news, especially after my initial scare with producing so many follicles, and only having 9 eggs removed, with 1 not mature enough to save. This is fabulous news and both Lou and I could not be more thrilled with the outcome. Luckily this news came at the exact right time, as I am dealing with physical side effects of the egg retrieval, and in a vast amount of pain. Just goes to show you that as a mother you are willing and able to do anything for your children, putting them first and doing whatever it takes. While I am not a mother yet, as horrendous and physically and emotionally painful as this process is, I would do it all over again if it meant I would get the same outcome. I will be a mother thanks to all of this, and this pain is just a reminder that I would and will do whatever I have to to make this happen. With that being said....

 Warning: The following material may not be suitable for all viewers.

Well, it's not that serious or graphic but I thought I should still give some disclaimer to those who may not be interested in reading of the glorious side effects in my following rant.
I totally underestimated the pain that would follow this procedure. I honestly thought I would be up and back it the next day, relaxing and resting by the pool, posting those infamous pics everyone posts on Facebook and Instagram of their feet overlooking the pool. Instead, I been in bed since the retrieval  last Wednesday, missing out on work (unpaid) and while not feeling well, freaking out over the amount of work missed and bills piling up. I am bloated. I am more miserable and uncomfortable than I can even attempt to put into words. I literally look as though as I could pass as being pregnant at the moment because I am so swollen and full of fluid. I was told my ovaries are four times the size they should be, and filled with fluid, so that would explain it. The only thing bringing me any comfort is a heating pad on my abdomen. Every movement I make is agonizing, I can feel the pressure literally moving within me. I am unable to urinate, only small amounts at a time, and when I wipe it is a horrifying shade of neon yellow. I am constipated and have never wished so hard to have a bowel movement in my life. (For someone with Crohn's disease this is something you never, ever, wish upon yourself) Last night I found myself sitting on the toilet crying at 3 a.m. and just when I was about to literally lose my mind, the episode of Seinfeld with George Constanza's dad screaming "Serenity Now!!!" and throwing his hands up in the air came to mind. Still crying, I began laughing so hard that I was now sobbing. (yes, while on the toilet) and took a note from Miley Cyrus' Party in the USA song," I threw my hands up" and in true Constanza style chanted "Serenity Now..." First of all, the walls of my condo are pretty thin and at this point I am certain my neighbor is going to think I am certifiably insane and/or a raging alcoholic who yells weird things in the bathroom at ungodly hours. But let me tell you, it helped. While I am still waiting for my serenity to be reached, I am just sipping on my Gatorade with my heating pad in place. Sometimes in the middle of pure frustration and agony we just  need to be reminded to find serenity now. 


#justagirlandherheatingpad #nopoolforme

3 comments:

  1. I have had 3 surgeries in that region because of fibroids so I know how you feel. Two of the times they went right through my belly button but apparently they stuck an air vent in there during the procedure. Well that's just how it felt. I really don't know what causes the bloating but it happened all three times. Try some aloe vera juice (if you are allowed to drink it) to help with the constipation.

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  2. Ohhh Colleen! :( I hope that you start to feel better soon! I just want to hug you!

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  3. Colleen, the end will soon justify the means. Feel better soon.

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