Say "Cheese"

"Say cheeeeeseeee." 

Those words were heard often throughout my childhood. My mom would chase us around like paparazzi, snapping photographs of my siblings and I like it was her job. Always on the other side of the lens, when she died I was left wishing I had chased her around a bit more, taken more photographs of her so that I could remember her. Now, fourteen years later I am left flipping through the album only present in my mind. Wishing I had something to look at daily to keep her vibrantly alive. I am instead feeling my Mom and the memories I have of her fading away. Today, I have become the camera fanatic. Clicking away at every event, at every holiday, hoping to hold onto to these memories for more than the brief seconds, minutes, and hours they last for. The annoying one on the other end of the lens, soaking in each moment and finding comfort in the shots that will last a lifetime. Even guilty of the occasional "selfie," portraits of myself, so that these too can serve a purpose. To remind me of a time where I was happy and carefree and loving every moment given to me. To show my children in the future that there is always something to smile about. That no matter what life threw at me, I responded with a smile. This week I even manages to muster up the courage to face my fear and release some of the bitterness I have against Babies R Us. :) Nothing wrong with the store full of adorable baby clothing and supplies except the wave of emotions that rush over me every time I walk in. "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" was my quote as I happily explored my store of doom with my friends and didn't feel the urge to cry or need to leave. "One small step for Colleen, one giant leap for infertility" ;) Another memory for the book <3

 Often I am the brunt of jokes and comments about my abundance of photographs and to that my sole response is that I am capturing life. Pictures capture moments that may be gone forever, but can now be remembered for that much longer. Pictures are moments frozen in time forever, so long after the event one can reflect on that particular time. Through photographs, I am able to share my memories, my happiest moments with my unborn children and ensure that they never have to experience the emptiness and pain of feeling me, their mother, slip away from their memory long after I have left this Earth. These memories can never fade, say cheese my friends :)