June 19, 2013
Night 6 of injections complete!! Almost a whole week done, a week closer! Aside from the occasional hot flash, things are going well. Dripping in sweat from time to time throughout the day has it's benefits; one, I can never be called pale because my skin is a nice tone of red to burgundy at all times. Two, sweating in any form, to me equates to exercise, so in my mind each drip of sweat is one less minute needed on the treadmill. I have begun tracking "hot flashes" under activity points on my Weight Watchers app. And lastly, its a nice excuse to keep my home set to igloo like standards at all times. My condo is a comfortable 60 degrees, which for many would equal teeth chattering but for this Lupron injected polar bear it equals heaven. After not having a period for nearly seven years these cramps I have been experiencing for the past day are a real blast from the past that I truly did not miss. Although I am happy to report no bruising as of yet on my stomach at the injection sites, no redness or swelling. No mood swings, or attitude changes that I have noticed as of yet, but I guess that is a biased opinion...Lou (my loving fiancee) is still alive and kicking so that should be a good indicator that I am not experiencing any sudden behavioral changes. :) I must give him credit; Lou has been absolutely amazing through all of this, not that I ever doubted him for a second (I AMMMMM marrying him for a reason;)) but I know this whole situation is a lot to take on. For me, I have been dealing with this and working towards acceptance for years, this wild and crazy world of infertility is a whole new ball game for Lou. Luckily for me, he's already my MVP <3
What hurts more than the injections, more than the cramps,is that some people I thought would be here for me through this, cheering me on and sharing every exciting detail and every step getting closer to being a mom, have not been. Knowing how badly I have wanted this. Instead telling me that this blog is attention seeking and that I am looking for a "pity party". That I am "playing the victim". Let me quickly and simply clarify once again; this blog is in no way meant to be for such reasons. First and foremost; "pity, party of 0, your table is now available" ; "You're Invited! To a Pity Party for Colleen!" I have never asked for or expected pity from anyone. Please do not check your mailboxes repeatedly because there will not be an invitation to a pity party thrown in my honor anytime soon. This blog was and still is intended to be a way to share my journey with others. To remind people, myself included, that no matter what you have been through, what you have experienced, there is always something to strive for. That with a little courage and determination you can achieve more than you can ever imagine. That everything I have been through has lead me to this moment, and if I was able to survive all I have previously endured, this crazy, emotional, heart wrenching procedure of "building a baby" will be a walk in the park in comparison.
It makes me want to cry because I would love more than anything to be able to pick up the phone and tell my Mom all about this, to ask her for advice, but I know that heaven is a long distance call...what makes the tears really fall is knowing that someone who I thought would be my number one cheerleader through this has retired their pom poms and bullhorn.
So, while it hurts my heart tremendously to go forward without certain people, I am reminded of the quote; "It's not where you are in life, it's who you have by your side that matters." Feeling thankful for Lou, his family, my amazingly wonderful friends, and of course all of you. Unless of course you R.S.V.P 'd for that pity party..... ;)